The Weather Junkies Almanac

August 16, 2016

As we look ahead to the 2017 winter, we see a interesting yet mildly disturbing pattern in store.

 

First off, La Nina winters generally favor strong cold Trumps. Hot takes and cold Trumps will clash in the heart of the country, merging to create a type of weather alley called "Trumpnado Alley". Be warned - Trumpnado Alley will not be for the faint of heart.

 

Moving to the Northeast... well we gotta be honest. It's not looking great. White walkers led by the Night King have taken Boston and they thought the "CLAM CHOWDA" was just so wicked good, they're now moving south to New York City. Spoiler alert: Jon Snow is dead and the East Coast is screwed.

 

Things are looking better in the Southeast where Sharknadoes have the same chance of occurring as that one pesky germ has of surviving that hand soap you're using. It could get bloody down there, so stock up on chainsaws and Tara Reid lookalikes (she always seems to survive those things).

 

Out in Second America (Texas), it appears a large vortex will open up through the stratospheric inversion and pour in a different (and probably bigger) kind of weather.

 

Next up, our magic eight ball tells us that there will be no weather for the Pacific Northwest. That's right. No weather. Any and all meteorologists in the area can pack it up and call it a season (although you're bound to be wrong somehow).

 

Finally, we hit California where it... Wow. It'll actually be pretty nice. Enjoy that.

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