14 Winter Storm Names Rejected By The Weather Channel

December 18, 2017

Every year The Weather Channel puts out a list of winter storm names. These are the ones that missed the cut.

T H I S   I S   S A T I R E

For more satire, subscribe to The Weather Junkies Blog.

 

Winter Storm Oprah

 

As Winter Storm Oprah bears down on Chicago, residents are wondering who's getting snow. The official forecast: "You get a foot of snow! You get a foot of snow! And you get a foot of snow!"

Winter Storm AHHH OMG IT'S THE WHITE DEATH!

 

This storm has caused frenzy and panic but at least reports show that TV ratings are the best they've ever been. The reality is that this storm should bring just a few slushy inches. So the public has no reason to fear Winter Storm AHHH OMG IT'S THE WHITE DEATH.

 

Winter Storm Trump

 

As a warm front associated with Winter Storm Trump moves into DC, (atmospheric) instability grows. This has prompted forecasters to print and analyze atmospheric soundings against a weather tool called "Skew-T, Log-P", taping them all over their weather offices. Even though Winter Storm Trump has ties to a Russian air mass, meteorologists express doubt and fear the storm may severely underperform. Sad!

Winter Storm Sandy

 

Meteorologists seem unconcerned about forecasting for this storm as they continually repeat the phrase, "The Euro Nailed Sandy". We have no idea what they mean. 

 

Winter Storm Goat Cheese

 

I mean, what kind of name is Goat Cheese? It's like the folks at The Weather Channel just decided to name the storms after whatever they were eating with their wine that night. Anyways, Winter Storm Goat Cheese is expected to brie-ng a mix of freezing swiss and heavy queso. Residents should muenster up the courage and spend some mad cheddar on shovels, milk, and bread.

 

Winter Storm Vanilla

 

Winter Storm Vanilla may seem unthreatening and bland but forecasters warn: ice, ice, maybe.

Winter Storm Covfefe

 

No different from other storms, Covfefe has meteorologists baffled. What does it mean? How should we prepare? No one knows.

 

Winter Storm Obama

 

Your most trusted meteorologist is calling for a change in temperature, so we're sure this is change you can believe in. In the past, Winter Storm Obama made it a pattern to sweep the nation every four years, coming in 2008 and 2012. Unfortunately, a totally different type of storm came in 2016.

 

Winter Storm Dumbledore

 

It might not make sense but it's true: CAPE killed Dumbledore. Read the seventh and final forecast discussion and it will all make sense.

Winter Storm Local On The 8's

 

We've been told by officials that we should turn on "local on the 8's" to learn the local forecast for Winter Storm Local On The 8's. It's a bold move to name a storm after their own television program but now we're oddly craving 90s smooth jazz.

 

Winter Storm Darth Vader

 

We called our local Weather Forecast Office to learn about Winter Storm Darth Vader. This was their response: *heavy breathing, heavy breathing, heavy breathing*. It appears, though, that frozen precipitation will fall from the sky. Walkers and commutes alike should beware.

 

Winter Storm Cantore

 

Forecast = thunder snow. That is all.

Winter Storm Hilary

 

As the nation just begins to forget Winter Storm Bill, Hilary marches across the country. Weather from Hilary seems to have skipped Wisconsin and Michigan leaving little to no snow behind. Regardless, meteorologists predict Hilary has a 95% chance of reaching D.C. Experts say there's essentially no way this forecast doesn't verify and nothing could go wrong.

 

Winter Storm Captain America

 

Well I guess they've just started naming storms after characters in whichever superhero movie they last watched. Regardless, we're marveling at this system with it's hulking precipitation s.h.i.e.l.d., stark melting layer, and fury-ous snowfall rates. Locals will surely feel the need to be avenged after this storm.

 

T H I S   I S   S A T I R E

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Never miss a post!
Please reload

Recent posts
Listen
Support
  • Facebook Social Icon
Follow
  • iTunes Social Icon
  • Google Play Social Icon